Yesterday I got seriously stuck in an OCD loop. It's something that rarely happens, but the combined energy of roaring PMS, a brief argument with my partner, and maybe some planet in retrograde made it so that I had to keep assuring myself that the dishes I had just put away were in fact clean.

I was preparing my breakfast and had taken a bowl down from the cabinet and filled it with a half a cup of dry oats. Then the intrusive question came: Did I actually run the dishwasher last night?

The doubt settles in. I go back in my mind and retrace my steps. I see myself putting the soap in, pressing start, turning the clean/dirty magnet on its side--the cue to anyone in the house that the dishwasher is running and not to open it. 

When I came into the kitchen this morning the magnet had been on its side, but the "clean" light was off. Someone had opened it before I put the dishes away. Because I didn't see the light on with my own eyes, it triggered more doubt.

I am...

Last night, as I scrolled through Facebook, a friend of mine revealed she was looking for remote work. Having recently been diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, she is hoping for a way to make money without having to leave home while she works through next steps. 

As someone who wasn't accurately diagnosed with OCD until my 30s, I was filled with so many mixed emotions upon reading her post. I was glad that she had that clarity, and I immediately wanted to reach out and help her (I also work remotely and it is game changing in so many ways).

For me, receiving an OCD diagnosis after years of battling anxiety and depression meant I would have a more accurate map to managing symptoms of intrusive thoughts, safety behaviors, and avoidance. Correlated with the panic that often comes along for the ride, the knowledge was empowering for me. I'm hoping my friend feels a sense of that as well. 

As a rebel, I don't like to be categorized too much. I feel that putting labels...

Today, I'm beginning again. We do this every day, but today I am beginning again with a writing intention -- no, a writing commitment. 

You see, I've been absent here in this blog space, more than a year to be exact. But I have been writing, I have been seeking, and learning, and doing. So it's okay that this space took a back seat for awhile, because "if everything is important, then nothing is." (That's a Mel Robbins take on a Karen Martin quote about priorities.)

For the last 18 months or so, my writing priority has been my memoir and supporting other writers to begin their transformational books. And I've loved it. Now that my manuscript is in the hands of an editorial team I'm able to turn my eyes toward the next thing (even though I still have loads of writing and re-writing to do for the next couple of months).

And that is landing me here for two reasons:

1) I want to be a more consistent writer. It's habit, it's practice and it's important to me in this stage of my...

Three months ago, I could barely leave my house. Even at home, the anxiety and panic would overwhelm me at times, leaving me feeling pretty worthless, irritable, and probably not that much fun to be around. 

As I write this, my brain wants to just skip to the good part, but the messy middle is always where the gems lie. You have to root around in the muck to find the diamonds and pearls.

It was a long, slow descent and not wholly unexpected as we globally became more aware of words like "viral load" and ideas of contamination. For someone like me, diagnosed with OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) more than ten years ago, the pandemic was both a blessing and a curse. Isolation brought me relief and control over my environment (it also brought its own brand of loneliness, new anxieties, a whole lot of reckoning, and some really, really good stuff, too).

When the world started opening up and I was feeling forced to adapt to life outside the confines of my bubble is when things...

This tough exterior I always considered part of my being has served me well at times, even and especially as a highly sensitive person. I know, it seems dichotomous, but so many of us actually embody both things because we must in order to survive this world.

But survival isn't our only option. Thriving and expanding are also here for us, and as rebels, we often need to remember that we are not alone in this work, and that it isn't a sign of weakness to ask for support. 

Recently, I hosted a week long training all about copywriting. I've done this particular training before, so I wasn't starting from scratch, though I was stretching my wings a little further with how I was delivering the info and creating an offer for an upcoming marketing program. 

The biggest stretch, beyond writing new content and diving in deeper to my own copywriting and marketing efforts, was asking for help. And not just the asking, but then allowing myself to receive it, openly. 

When I...

Today, I am sitting with a combination of wonder, gratitude, and unease. This is a common duality that many of us hold. 

I practice seeing what's right in front of me, nurturing the mindful awareness of sights, sounds, and the divine energy of the people around me. It's how we get through the anxiety with a clear path of inviting in more joy and spending less time worried about the uncertainty of life as a whole.

I talk about the weather a lot. Sometimes I think it's a mundane habit, but actually I think it's more because it affects us all. We have had unusually warm temps here in the midwest this week. Beautiful, warm, sunny days and I've relished in the comfort of the air on my skin and the glow of sunshine on my face.

It won't last, though. Today, the clouds have begun to move in and the northern winds are sweeping down. Mix this in with a full moon lunar eclipse, the US midterm election, and changing our clocks, it's kinda been one hell of a transitional week. 

So what...

So, a couple weeks ago I started with a new therapist.

Dr. T, who was the amazing psychologist I worked with on and off for more than 10 years, retired at the end of 2021. Dr. T referred me to this new guy because he helped mentor him and knew it would be a good fit.

Dr. T was right, and even though it took 6 months to get an appointment with Mr. New Guy (post about our healthcare system needing funding and support another time...), I'm glad I got in to see him ...and whoa, is it intense--in the best of ways.

Some of you know me pretty well and have seen my stories and struggles over the years with OCD and anxiety. I talk openly about the importance of mental health and finding ways to cope and heal that work for each individual. There are always peaks and valleys with this work, like life itself, it ebbs and flows.

Mr. New Guy has an in depth approach to diagnosis and treatment--which, if I'm consistent, will lead to quick transformation (especially since I've been down this road...